I need someone…
Just ignore this post. I need to get this off my chest but i cant talk to anyone about it.
Im vunerable, im not confident, im not cocky, im not the person i let people believe i am. Im lost and distant and at this point in time…i cant control my emotions. Its like a frenzy inside of my head. I cant keep going on like this. I feel.so awful all the time and im starting to.push people that help me away. I have felt myself change…i can feel myself still changing.
The dreams and nightmares i have…they are unbearable. I keep dreaming about the past. Im going to type all this out because i havent.really got many people i know on here and the people that do follow me..i trust. So, i suffer from/have suffered from…. - anxiety - paranoia - severe depression - insomnia - bullying - self harm - suicidal thoughts - panic attacks - low self esteem - trust issues - eating dissorders - abuse
And the main one. I was a victim of a paedophile. When i was just 12 years old. I have tried so so hard to get over it but i just cant. It broke me..into a million pieces. I felt like my entire world glazed over. To see the look on my parents faces…it still breaks my heart. I would sit and cry for hours and hours and i turned to self harm. This will stay with me forever. I lost all confidence and my self esteem plumited. I couldnt handle it. I thought i could face it alone. I thought it was okay to bottle it up. Well because i didnt open up about it, i am still suffering. At the time, i was going through family issues and i was being bullied verbally and i was cyber bullied. The person that did this to me…he made me feel wanted. Like i could do anything….like i was special. What a stupid idiot i was. Its sick and disgusting. I am still suffering because i was young and vunerable and hurt.
I want to help anyone who is being bullied. You think you can handle it? Look what happened to me. Suffering.
Dont suffer in silence.